My life used to be Very Different. It was Dark, Depressing and I was usually Drunk. I liked to drink and the person I was with liked to gamble, so why wouldn’t we be in Laughlin for New Year’s Eve in 1995.
I am sure I was already drinking on the drive from Phoenix to Laughlin. That was just how I was. When we got into town we got a room at the Pioneer Hotel and Casino. That was the cheapest place we could stay. And then the Fun/Nightmare started. Going from Casino to Casino and Drinking at each one. Back then if you were sitting at a machine and it looked like you were gambling the cocktail waitresses would give you FREE ALCOHOL! I was barely ever gambling, I was just there for the FREE ALCOHOL! The person I was with was usually playing cards at a table. I really had no idea what he was doing.
I am not sure what Casino we were in when the New Years count down started. It was Very Crowded, Super Loud and I was having a Drunken Panic Attack. So we got out of that Casino as the New Year hit and we went to get something to eat. Maybe to sober me up. As we sat at a table and I was trying to eat I was being scolded for how drunk I was. Blah, Blah, Blah. I had heard it all before. After that I don’t really remember much more.
Then I open my eyes. At first I didn’t know where I was. Oh yeah, the hotel room. Ugh, I feel Horrible! It takes me a while before I can sit up. Still dressed from the night before, I must have Blacked Out, Passed Out. I could hear the wind blowing really hard outside of the hotel room. It sounded kinda evil and I felt like the Devil was punishing me for the night before. Just get me home was my first thought. I just wanted to be home so I could suffer somewhere I was semi comfortable. Then I hear ” You can have Champagne Breakfast because we are staying in Laughlin so I can win back the money I lost last night.”
As soon as I hear Champagne everything changes. Of course, a little hair of the dog that bit me would not hurt. We pack up and leave the hotel.There is a drive-up ATM close. We stop to get money. I was sober enough to remember the pin #.
The Ramada? I think that is where I had the Champagne Breakfast. As soon as I had my first drink I felt better. But that first drink woke up the drunk from the night before. So I was just a mess! After breakfast I went to a machine and they started serving me beer and I think I blacked out.
The next thing I know we are at that same drive up ATM to get more money. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the car and the person I was with was asking me the pin # of the account. I was too drunk to remember. I kept giving the wrong number and when the money wasn’t coming out it was making the other person unhappy. So unhappy that he started beating my leg with his fist. Nightmare, that was a nightmare. I was crying. He couldn’t get any more money. We ended up just driving back to Phoenix. We barely had enough gas to get home but we did.
Back then I had NO HOPE for the New Year. I had NO GOALS, NO DREAMS, NO LIFE! New Year’s Day in 1995 was just another day. A day that I was Hung Over like so many New Year Days before.
Today is January 1, 2020, and MY LIFE IS SO DIFFERENT! I chose to stop drinking in September of 1996 and I have Celebrated each New Year since then. I have Goals, I have Dreams and I have a Life.
This is a painful story I will never forget. And why am I sharing it? Because it is a part of Me….A part of what made Me who I am today. Maybe one person will read this and be Inspired to Stop Drinking or Inspired to Change Something that is making them Unhappy.
If you want to talk or need to talk please send me a message.You can reach me here, on Facebook or on Instagram.
Today I have HOPE!